Journal: adjusting to new routines

I did not experience the excitement of kids going back to school this year. I usually do, but this year I wanted to run and hide from busy schedules, soccer practices, homework every night, extra meetings, dance, the morning rush or the bedtime urgency.  I enjoyed our slow summer days together and did not want my kids to leave for so much of their day.

But the day did come anyway and off went my 3 school kids.  I do get to keep Dallin, and I already wish I would have just kept them all.  It is insane doing public school, afternoon kindergarten, home school, extra curriculars, 2 toddlers, and pregnancy at the same time.  I mean, totally insane. Like running a 3 ring circus, for real.  I have been trying to be as stoic as possible so that I can grow stronger and manage it all with ease.  But I admit, I have had a few nights with the tissue box by my bed.  Funny that the mom is the one struggling the most with a transition period.

As happy as I am to home school Dallin, this adjustment has not been easy for me.  I was very excited about it, but the realities have been pretty hard to adjust to.  Mostly for how much of my day it takes, and how to work with 2 other little ones needing my attention and the exhaustion that is the third trimester.

Perhaps the most difficult thing is the doubt that keeps creeping in.  Is this really the right thing to do? Is he really better off with me? Will he be missing something he needs at public school? Will I be stunting his maturity or social development in any way?  Is this a good fit for me? Do I really want to give up most of my day for this? How can I take care of my own selfish needs? How can I keep up with the house and all my other responsibilities? Will this really matter in the long run? Dallin is a star student though I must say.  He is cooperative and grateful to have mom as his teacher.  It is sweet really and very reassuring to my doubtful soul.

We joined an LDS home school group, which is of course run by moms and comes with some large commitments for me as well, since I am one.  Not a big deal, except I just want to be home and not add more responsibilities at the moment.  Did I mention I am tired? But Dallin could not love it more after just one week and being around other boys his age that he has so much in common with is heaven for him.  So we will keep plugging along and it will become part of the routine.

  Having a seventh baby is not for wimps.  Pregnancy is going really well overall though, and the all too familiar discomforts are just part of life as I have known it for the last decade. I feel so grateful to have this happening right now.  What a blessing.  It is interesting how being used to the discomforts gives way to really appreciate pregnancy and babies and children so much more every time I go through this.  I have always said I hate being pregnant, but I don't feel that way at all this time.  I feel that my body has been given a special gift from God to be able to bring precious spirits to this world.  Emotions are so magnified and I feel the spirit more, I think because of how tender my feelings are. Not that I don't have my extra grouchy moments, just ask the kids.  I like dressing up my ever growing middle, you know, on days when I actually get dressed and run a comb through my hair. I don't even mind how much I waddle, even though it is caused by pain.  I am just so happy for another little baby to come into my arms and that I can be the one to bring him here.

The last big thing I have been up to is a re commitment to feeding my family 3 healthy meals a day.  I have majorly faltered the last few months.  I attended a meal planning class at BYU Education week and then spent a couple weeks creating a one month plan that is just right for us that we will repeat each month.  How smart is that?  But getting in the habit of being in the kitchen so much has been yet another adjustment.  But I feel so much better as a mother giving my family real food.  It is important to me and worth the time and effort.  The meal plan makes it is as easy as it possibly can be, so I love love love it and we are eating so much more fresh fruits and vegetables.

So I guess my summary is that life is good and blessed and I am so happy and full of joy.  I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude for this mortal journey. I just need the strength to do what I need to do each day.  I have faith that hard things make us stronger and better.  I hope it comes soon because I will be rocking it when it does.