Journal

Baby Logan is now 3 weeks old.  I know, I need to post his birth story STAT! I love the blissful feeling of having a newborn in our home.  He is just so small and loved by everyone.  He is always being held or sleeping in his swing in the living room among the family noise.  I spend as much time as I can with him curled up on my chest.  There is nothing like a newborn napping on you.  I mean NOTHING.  I have pretty much dropped out of the world as much as I can to enjoy this small window of time. Some nights I can't bear to lay him down and stay on the couch with him on me all night.  I feel him wiggle and move and it is so familiar, only on the outside instead of inside me. I wish babies could just stay exactly as they were born for a year.

Logan is a nursing champ! I feel like I am finally good at nursing. It only took 7 times for my body to really get the hang of it. It seems to get a little easier with each baby.  Maybe it is partly him and partly changing some of my philosophies about it that have made it work better.  I know for sure I am way more laid back about just about everything than I was as a younger mom so maybe that helps too.  My milk is pretty regulated after just a couple of weeks instead of many months (sorry, TMI but that is a big deal for me).

The kids are absolutely in love with him and are so tender towards him.  Lily calls him "The baby that came out of your tummy" when she talks about him. She also calls her baby doll, "The baby that came out of my tummy". Luke calls him "Yogan". I was worried about Luke since he is very possessive of me, but he caught on fairly quickly that he could not climb on me when I am holding the baby.  Maybe 2 or 3 tantrums those first few days and that was all.  I am still his favorite though and he is definitely still my other baby (love that).  Tanner is our number one baby holder.  All the kids love to hold him, but Tanner wants to hold Logan all the time, much more than the others.  

Nights are not too bad.  We have kids waking during the night and climbing in our bed fairly often anyway so it is just a couple more times up to feed the baby added in.  Peter has been getting the kids to school in the morning and letting me make up for extra lost sleep so I am not feeling too sleep deprived most days.

Recovery has been pretty slow going until now.  After 3 weeks, I can finally walk normally again without pain and it doesn't hurt my bones to bend or move around. So glad to have some strength back. It amazes me how much a body can change to make a baby and still come back together afterward.  The hardest part has been my patience with the kids. Well the lack of any actually.  I am hoping that feeling better will help me cope with the daily chaos a little better.

We have had a stomach bug cycling through the house to make things that much more challenging.  It seemed to go one person at a time so it has been days and days of sickness.  Let me tell you being violently ill and taking care of a newborn is no picnic, but luckily my milk supply kept up enough and it was only a 24 hour bug.

This has been an interesting Christmas season.  I have missed some parties and gone to a couple.  We have done a few special activities, but at a very easy pace. Simplicity has been the key for this year.  It has shown me how much a lot of the stuff we do during this time of year is really just unnecessary stress.  Some years I love all that stuff, but this is not the year.  I am really liking being home as much as possible The only 2 things I really wish that we could have gotten to are a meaningful service project and our Christmas card.  But with only a week left and this fun sickness we have had I am not counting on it.  Maybe a New Years card for us this time(or not) and service can be done any time of course.

I know it is a little cheesy sounding, but having a new baby this time of year really brings me closer to the Christmas story.  I don't know how to explain it other than a more tender feeling for Mary as a new mother and loving a little baby so much that it brings amazement and awe to the miracle that is life.  In a way the true meaning of Christmas has been much more wonderful in all the simplicity and humility that comes with bringing a baby into the world.  

I am so blessed. My heart has grown 7 times over now and it is more deeply felt in my soul with each little spirit that comes to our family. Life is not easy, but there is so much joy found in it.  I tried more than ever before not to complain about my discomforts and focus on gratitude these last several months.  I wasn't perfect at it by far, but it made way to find even more joy in the blessings in my life and there much strength to be found in not focusing on the negative.  I needed strength so that really helped.