Journaling

One of these days, I will stop being lazy and get recent pictures up...but not today!

On this week:
This has been quite a yucky week for us.  When a stomach bug hits, it really takes a week to cycle through. It all started Monday morning and as of today we are still having lots of, hmmm...issues.  My main goal right now is to keep kids hydrated.  We are planning to go camping all weekend with my fam, but I haven't had a chance to even think about getting ready.  I only left the house today for the first time since Sunday.  So much to do+ rainy forecast + lingering sickness + bad pregnancy back for sleeping away from my adjustable bed= I have no idea how this will go.  I am sure there be plenty of memorable moments.

Hope.

On Special Education:
So the reason I finally left the house today was for Dallin's annual IEP (special education)  meeting.  This has been a very frustrating year for Dallin and for us.  Things have been way below our expectations and there have been many ups and downs.  Dallin really struggles in his current school setting.  (for record reasons: our main concerns have been struggling with reading, anxiety and stress over reading, and behavior issues) I have even at times questioned whether moving home was the best thing for him.  We have been considering other options for schooling next year.  So as I anticipated this meeting the last couple of weeks, I had a very bad attitude. I was feeling just done with the situation. This is so not my character but I was fighting the urge to go into the meeting and give them all the bird (Joke: please know that I would never do this to anyone).

This morning as I prayed for wisdom and insight for Dallin for this meeting, I actually felt very calm and peaceful. I had no idea what to expect.  I have had terrible IEPs and great ones. I just went into it knowing my concerns and keeping an open mind.  I went in with a smile on my face to all the familiar people that I have been working with for the last year and a half. The feeling in the room was very warm.  We got right to business and I was allowed to express my concerns right away.  The response was that we were all on exactly the same page! We were completely in sync.  The specialist had prepared a very well thought out list of current progress and issues, and goals for next year.  They had even prepared the most wonderful solutions and ideas tailored just for him for next year.  Things that I wouldn't have even thought of.  Things that sounded so right for him. I had total confirmation in my heart. A far cry from where I was before.

I have gone from not even wanting to send him back to this school to actually looking forward to it.  No one is more surprised than me.  I still have a concern or two, but knowing that these people really do know him, care about him and  are willing give him all the supports to ensure his success puts me at ease.  His reading teacher this year is going to be his teacher next year, so they know each other well already.  Every step and decision that we make for Dallin is no easy thing.  I feel like a blind person that needs to get from point A to point B.  I am feeling much relief today from a burden that has been very heavy.

Grateful.


On Motherhood:
Finally, I just have follow up thoughts on my motherhood post.  I have gained a lot of perspective and peace from all of my frustrations.  My new motto is: "Try your best and God will make up the difference." I read that in a parenting book and it just kinda glued to my heart.  The adversary is very good at convincing us that we aren't good enough and we become discouraged.   I knew that this was happening to me, but couldn't seem to pull out of it very easily.  Through lots of prayer and heartache, God has shown me my strengths and that I am not so bad after all.  I need to enjoy my talents I have been given and what I am good at.  I will always be working on things that I fall short on, but He will make up the difference. That's what the Savior's Atonement is for. 

Peace.

On Pregnancy:
I am slowing down more all the time now.  I am trying to be very careful with myself so that I can get through the next few weeks and not burn out.  I am purposely not taking on extra commitments.  I am a sturdy built capable girl, but for the first time, I am actually heeding the advice not to lift too much or overdo it.  I had severe bone separation pain in my pelvis throughout most of my second and third trimester in my last pregnancy.  So far I can feel that it is happening again, but I am trying to be careful not to make it worse.  I can tell when I have done something more than I should if I start to feel the pain so it is my compass.  Last time, I had to adapt how I moved, got up, rolled over in bed, got out of bed, etc.  So this time I have already adapted my movement in the same way so that I do not aggravate the situation.  So far it is working well and I am pretty pain free that way.  Perhaps it is inevitable, but I am doing better than last time so far.
 I am feeling more movement inside, but I still don't feel a lot because of the placement of the placenta.  So weird!

I didn't handle our sickness as well as the others in our house this week.  I think because of pregnancy related reflux/heartburn, once I started throwing up, I couldn't stop.  I had far more episodes than anyone else.  This is one of my least favorite human experiences. I was so glad when it was over. 

I am out of the chubby phase now and definitely looking pregnant.  This makes me a little more self conscious when I go out with "ALL" my kids.  I wonder what it looks like to see a frazzled mommy with 5 kids under 8 AND a big belly.  

Wow.

Cool Stuff

We had a busy fun weekend, but I haven't gotten it all together to write about it yet.  I wanted to share a few cool things that I have been loving lately:


 I downloaded these cool ebooks with instructions and printables on how to make preschool activity bags.  After a dollar store shopping spree and a lot of cardstock printing, the kids and I have been putting a few of them together and so far they are loving them.   These are more 3d hands on than traditional file folder games.  They are also child led, so I can give them a bag and they can play on their own for a while, which is nicer than putting a video on. here is the link.



I had been wanting a Time Timer for a very long time, but they are really spendy for a timer.  I finally just went for it and it has been so great!  We use it a lot when we want the kids to get something done.  Instead of nagging, I just set this visual timer and ask them to get it done before the red runs out. It is a miracle in the mornings when we are trying to get the kids ready and out the door. No more asking them to do their schedule 100 times!  I just set the timer. Link here


These are my FAVORITE prenatal vitamins.  I found them at a health food store right before I became pregnant with Carter and have taken them ever since.  There is a wonderful balance of easily absorbable vitamins and minerals for pregnancy (all the vitamin b turns your pee bright yellow!), PLUS lots of other good things that help.  Digestive enzymes, probiotics, herbs for morning sickness, etc.  I still get morning sickness, but these really do noticeably take the edge off.  They are decent priced for a good multi-vitamin and especially factoring in the probiotics which is very appreciated during pregnancy if you know what I mean.  I feel very good about these vitamins after 4 years, so I highly recommend them. I take them in between pregnancies as well. Worth every penny.  You take 2 pills, 3 times a day which spreads out the good effects.  Admittedly, I often take all six at once though.  With these pills, the only other supplements that I feel are important for me are fish or flax oil and extra vitamin d3(since we don't see the sun for months at a time). (LINK) I have easily found these at every health food store I have been to.




 Finally, I love fashion blogs.  A lot of women have blogs just so they can take pictures of what they wear and evaluate it and it is a great way to get ideas. I love the modest ones especially. Here are my favorites: La Vie PetitFashion Diary of a Mormon Girl The Daybook A Day in the Life Too

Motherhood

This is a real, raw post.  This is not my usual happy upbeat loving life kind of thing.  Those have been a little sparse lately.  But this is me right now and I want to write about what life is really like at the moment:

I couldn't find my USB cord so I don't have pictures to post.  This is the story of my life lately.  I don't really have a cluttery house as in a lot of extra stuff around.  I am a minimalist.  But, when everything we own seems to be stirred like a big messy pot, it is hard to find anything.  My 2 youngest are doing me in.  I have completely lost control at my house.  This is why my Facebook status says, "I live in a shoe."  I don't know what to do. My "downs" in the ups and downs of life seem to go farther than usual. All of my children are going through phases right now and I am just trying to be patient.  That is my one and only goal right now.  I know, I am really reaching for the stars.  Luckily, in my almost 8 years of experience, I know that these times don't last.  I know that the family dynamic is ever changing.  I just hope I can get a grip before, say late September before I lose my standing again.

This job is very humbling. Having no control over ANYTHING can do that to someone.  I have been driven to my knees more than ever lately.  I found that my prayers have even changed when I talk to the Lord.  I have been praying for strength, patience, energy.  All that good mom stuff.  But the other day something new broke through, total submission.  I found myself saying, "Heavenly Father, I am trying, I am willing, my desires are sincere. It is not enough.  Please carry me. I am weak."

This motherhood thing is so much more difficult thing I could have ever imagined.  Yet I know this is my calling in life, even before this life I am sure.  Our particular situation right now seems unreal to me.  I look around and think, wow, here we are and now how do I do this? And my answer is to focus on my strengths, not my shortcomings (list too long to comprehend).  I am good at being affectionate, adoring, nurturing, loving, making children feel special and important.  I can handle that (as long as my patience is in check).

I do believe that Peter and I have been given the ultimate blessing.  An abundant blessing. Going through this season for me is causing me to learn so much. It has caused me to turn inward to reflection.  To learn things about myself that I didn't know were there.  Good and bad things.  I think this would be called a growing experience.  This is true, as my family grows, I grow inside. I change.  My heart changes. My desires change. Sometimes daily. I think this is what this mortal experience is supposed to be like.  We are supposed to be here to learn, grow, experience.  A while back I asked a mother who has more children than I do how to gain more patience.  Her answer was very surprising at the time. She said, "Have more children."  I see so much wisdom in that now.  We grow as we do hard things. It is all part of the Plan.

So I am grateful. Not just for these times, but for the overwhelming joys that I get to experience each day too.  Chubby hands, developing minds, growing testimonies, sticky kisses, to be loved and looked to as a mother, an example and a teacher.  To even be entrusted with someone extra special.  It's overwhelming.  I don't deserve so many blessings.   

Last night Peter took our 3 boys to the Father Son Campout. I am sure they had a blast.  Then this morning my phone rang at 5am.  It was Peter.  He told me he needed to bring Carter home because he croupy and really struggling.  A while later they arrived.  Peter layed Carter on the other side of my bed and he looked fine.  Peter said  that now that they were up and around, his cough was gone.  It is only when he is laying down.  Peter asked Carter if he wanted to go back to camping and Carter eagerly nodded his head.

So Peter walked around to where I was laying and gave me a sweet kiss goodbye and then told Carter, "Lets go."  Carter having witnessed  this jumped up and said, "Wait, I want to kiss Mommy!"  He ran around to my side, gave me a kiss with his cold lips and then said, "I want to hug you."  He did, and they happily left to return to the fun.  Man I felt so overwhelmed. Nothing in this life brings so much joy as my family.  Its those moments, the ones that happen every day (times 5) that bring so much fulfillment, so much joy, so much happiness.    Even when I am not all together.  Even when I feel like a failure. Even when I don't know what I am doing or which way is up.  It is still worth every moment.  I'll take it all.

The Naughties and Spiderman Boy

Apparently, having "the naughties" is a real condition around here.  I admit I started it with the older kids.  When they have done something naughty and I just want them to know they are loved and lighten the mood, I have been known to say something like. 

"You are just so full of NAUGHTIES!"
Followed up with "Open your mouth and let me see."
To which they eagerly oblige, and I exclaim, "Oh my goodness, I see them! Spit them out!!!"
They pretend to spit them into my hand and we laugh and hug."

Hmmm I am pretty sure it was just a joke, but apparently I am not mother of the year.

Yesterday, Carter was having a ball all day trying to come up with exactly what he could do to make his mother go completely bonkers.  Each time he found something that got a particularly good reaction, he beamed with pride.  Finally Tanner came up to me and said, "Mom, I think I know what is wrong with Carter.  He has the naughties."  I agreed with him.  He then told me that I should go get them out of Carter.  I think he wanted me to have Carter spit them out.  Tanner made the suggestion several times and I even saw him make a wish on a wishing weed that Carter would stop being so naughty.  Oh dear. 


On another subject, Tanner likes to write words and asks me how to spell them a lot now. But being that his latest obsession is Spiderman, here are a few interesting words that I have spelled out for him lately: 

he spells Spiderman himself by looking at his clothes
Symbiote
Black Spiderman
Venom
Carnage
Brock

I was just thinking, Really??? Thank you Netflix for all of the educational cartoons.

Food Fun

I have been enjoying my kitchen so much lately.  I am trying to stick to whole foods as much as I can.  These things definitely take more time, but it is real food and so worth it.  The Green Smoothie Girl points out that it actually doesn't take away your time, it gives you time in health and energy!  Love that.  I will share just a couple of our recent adventures here.   My kids like eating raw veggies and salads with ranch but I have become adverse to the ingredients and felt like I was filling them with chemicals and saturated fat.  The homemade alternative is so easy and cheap! Especially Winco prices.  Here is the GSG recipe for Ranch:
1 C buttermilk1C Sour Cream1 T each of Dried parsley and chives
1 t each of salt, pepper, onion powder, and garlic


Blend briefly in a high-powered blender until just mixed.  Pour into a jar and put in fridge for a few hours to meld flavors!  Next time I want to use homemade yogurt instead of sour cream.  This is the best to dip with english cucumbers, carrots and sweet peppers.





This Veggie sandwich is my favorite lunch lately.  I could eat it every day:
2 slices WW bread 2 T Neufchatel CheeseDiced green onionSliced Tomato, cucumber, and avocadoSalt and Pepper to tasteOptional: sprouts



Mix diced green onions with cheese and spread half on each slice of bread.



Layer veggies, add salt and pepper and enjoy!


I am trying to dedicate one day each week to preparing foods and trying new recipes. On this day, I had 4 things going at once!  I had yogurt in the crock pot, dehydrated corn chips in the food dryer, black beans in the pressure cooker, and salsa in the blender.  All of these things were thrown together, not a lot of preparing going on here.  I think I used my blender 5 times on this day.  It is definitely the best kitchen tool to have for this lifestyle. 




Note on yogurt:  I am zero for 2 tries with this method, but I will not give up! It looks like the easiest thing in the world, but I guess i am yogurt impaired. It is made with food storage powdered milk, which I have a lot of so I know it will be worth getting right.  I want to make yogurt cheese with it for my sandwiches among many other things. 
Here is a link to the how-to video with powdered milk: HEREHere is a link for making crock pot yogurt with regular store bought milk: HERE

FHE

Last night was such a fun simple FHE.  I want to remember how easy it can be, but how important it is. 

Our laundry room and my bedroom had become large piles of laundry lately.  It was about as bad as it can get.  It was like a tornado hit and I just felt sick to my stomach every time I went out to the laundry room.  It was everywhere, asking to be sorted and washed and organized top to bottom.  So Yesterday was laundry day.  I would set the alarm on my phone and keep it in my pocket and change the loads on the hour.  I made a point to put away each load as it came out of the dryer.  Thank goodness for the community closet for the kids, that made it so much easier.  I don't really have an excuse for being that far behind, I just know I don't want to be there again.

The exhausting part is keeping the kids going all day while trying to multitask this big project.  Especially with a one and two year old determined to keep me mentally over the edge.  But I focused on taking care of them AND kept to the grindstone.

 But then Peter worked late and didn't get home until 6:30.  I was so far past the edge by then, that I was doing all I could to keep myself together.  Peter called when he was nearly home and cheerfully said, "So what do you want to do for FHE?"  I mumbled something about I don't know, but I am so tired and done.  I think he took that as his cue that he was going to have to take over if it was to happen.

Peter came home and I went and rested for about 5 minutes, ready to surrender the day.  Then I heard Peter gathering the kids and lots of whining about what activity we were going to do.  Dallin really wanted to to Wii bowling.  Peter didn't want to go to the trouble of cleaning the basement, finding all the remotes and game and getting it all set up.  Then he said, "Okay guys, we are going to do our own bowling."  I joined them as they gathered plastic cups and a heavy ball (you know the ones filled with water and glitter).  The kids set up the "pins" and started taking turns knocking them down.

At first it was just a lot of whining, but then the magic of FHE happened. Everyone started to enjoy one another.  Every time someone knocked the pins down, everyone would cheer and hug and high five.  Even Lily took her turn from point blank range and everyone had to smile at how cute she was.  She would sit down and clap and yell "Yay!" with everyone when she got them all and soaked up the praise from her family.  Tanner and Eden would do huge celebratory hugs by lifting each other off the ground in excitement.  Dallin didn't want anything to do with that at first, but by the end he was right with them. 

I am so grateful that Peter pulled it together when I was giving in to weakness and that we didn't miss such a wonderful bonding experience.  So simple, yet one of the best FHEs we have had in a long time.  What a great commandment to do this once a week. What a blessing it is to have family.  By the end I had forgotten how long my day had been and remembered what life is really all about.  Not laundry!

I Love Mothers Day!

This year was my favorite mothers day yet.  The kids are old enough that they really get into it and there were plenty of home made gifts to show for it. I want to remember this stuff forever.  Peter helped the kiddos make me breakfast in bed along with flowers and chocolate.  What a way to start the day!  They were VERY enthusiastic about it. Then they gave me the gifts they had made at school and home. 

Dallin's potted hand "flowers" with little notes and promises.



Tulips!



Sweet letter from Peter.  How romantical.




Tanner wrote "I love mom"! Then drew a web with a spider in it and Peter helped him draw his hand slinging webs. I just love how he wrote his Rs.



Eden's hands. There is a poem on the back.



 At church we received a rose and chocolate strawberries and cute sugar cookies! After church we had a taco dinner with Peter's family.  The kids kept saying "Happy Mothers Day!" all day too. It was just a great day all around.  I feel loved. And I guess its time for a belly picture. Um, I hope the camera adds 10 lbs. No?  Oh well then, it is what it is. I really want to be better at taking these this time. I have been so bad about it previously.

10 Second photo shoot

Well I didn't really even get 10 seconds.  I thought the girls looked so cute and matchy today. I tried anyway. Not what I had in mind, but they are still cute.

Cramp!

Yes, I know pregnant women are prone to leg cramps. I had a really bad one once when I was pregnant with Dallin in which I woke up screaming.  Since then I have always been really careful not to point my toes when i am lying down.  It hasn't really been a problem. 

But last night something all new happened that was crazy.  We had just gone to bed and I was snuggled up next to Peter on my left side.  I must have been lying in a weird way, because all of the sudden I started feeling a pinch on my left right under my rib cage.   After a couple of seconds I rolled onto my back and started grabbing my ribs.  It only got worse and the pinch was so tight that it started to burn and all I could do was scream.  It was so intense.  Peter couldn't figure out what was happening and quickly turned the light on.  After a few more seconds, it started to subside and standing up and stretching a little made it go as quickly as it came. 

It was such sudden intense pain, that I was really shaken and I just laid down and cried for a couple of minutes (not that it takes anything much to make me cry lately) and tried to catch my breath.

Well, that's a new pregnancy symptom to add to my list! I swear the older I get and more times my body does this, the more quickly I begin to fall apart each time.

After

We have been working our behinds off in the back yard and I must say things are really starting to look up.  I wouldn't say things are even close perfectly landscaped, but it is a little bit closer to what we want.

Our sad sad garden area before:



Happy happy garden area! It is mostly planted now with each square foot holding summer deliciousness. I love the gravel out there.


Planting strawberries (pre-gravel)




This corner before tree removal.


After tree removal.  Here that? That wood is calling us to go camping.


Pre-tree removal, pre-swings


 I am just so amazed at how different it feels out there now. You don't really go out there and think, oh the trees are gone! It just feels a lot more open and inviting. We kept all the chips from one of the trees to use as bark dust.  It was about 100 wheel barrels full so we put it all over the back area and it looks great as a ground covering.


Sa-wing! The kids are loving these 12 foot lovelies.

  It is fun to really see results now.  It is a start anyway.