Motherhood

This is a real, raw post.  This is not my usual happy upbeat loving life kind of thing.  Those have been a little sparse lately.  But this is me right now and I want to write about what life is really like at the moment:

I couldn't find my USB cord so I don't have pictures to post.  This is the story of my life lately.  I don't really have a cluttery house as in a lot of extra stuff around.  I am a minimalist.  But, when everything we own seems to be stirred like a big messy pot, it is hard to find anything.  My 2 youngest are doing me in.  I have completely lost control at my house.  This is why my Facebook status says, "I live in a shoe."  I don't know what to do. My "downs" in the ups and downs of life seem to go farther than usual. All of my children are going through phases right now and I am just trying to be patient.  That is my one and only goal right now.  I know, I am really reaching for the stars.  Luckily, in my almost 8 years of experience, I know that these times don't last.  I know that the family dynamic is ever changing.  I just hope I can get a grip before, say late September before I lose my standing again.

This job is very humbling. Having no control over ANYTHING can do that to someone.  I have been driven to my knees more than ever lately.  I found that my prayers have even changed when I talk to the Lord.  I have been praying for strength, patience, energy.  All that good mom stuff.  But the other day something new broke through, total submission.  I found myself saying, "Heavenly Father, I am trying, I am willing, my desires are sincere. It is not enough.  Please carry me. I am weak."

This motherhood thing is so much more difficult thing I could have ever imagined.  Yet I know this is my calling in life, even before this life I am sure.  Our particular situation right now seems unreal to me.  I look around and think, wow, here we are and now how do I do this? And my answer is to focus on my strengths, not my shortcomings (list too long to comprehend).  I am good at being affectionate, adoring, nurturing, loving, making children feel special and important.  I can handle that (as long as my patience is in check).

I do believe that Peter and I have been given the ultimate blessing.  An abundant blessing. Going through this season for me is causing me to learn so much. It has caused me to turn inward to reflection.  To learn things about myself that I didn't know were there.  Good and bad things.  I think this would be called a growing experience.  This is true, as my family grows, I grow inside. I change.  My heart changes. My desires change. Sometimes daily. I think this is what this mortal experience is supposed to be like.  We are supposed to be here to learn, grow, experience.  A while back I asked a mother who has more children than I do how to gain more patience.  Her answer was very surprising at the time. She said, "Have more children."  I see so much wisdom in that now.  We grow as we do hard things. It is all part of the Plan.

So I am grateful. Not just for these times, but for the overwhelming joys that I get to experience each day too.  Chubby hands, developing minds, growing testimonies, sticky kisses, to be loved and looked to as a mother, an example and a teacher.  To even be entrusted with someone extra special.  It's overwhelming.  I don't deserve so many blessings.   

Last night Peter took our 3 boys to the Father Son Campout. I am sure they had a blast.  Then this morning my phone rang at 5am.  It was Peter.  He told me he needed to bring Carter home because he croupy and really struggling.  A while later they arrived.  Peter layed Carter on the other side of my bed and he looked fine.  Peter said  that now that they were up and around, his cough was gone.  It is only when he is laying down.  Peter asked Carter if he wanted to go back to camping and Carter eagerly nodded his head.

So Peter walked around to where I was laying and gave me a sweet kiss goodbye and then told Carter, "Lets go."  Carter having witnessed  this jumped up and said, "Wait, I want to kiss Mommy!"  He ran around to my side, gave me a kiss with his cold lips and then said, "I want to hug you."  He did, and they happily left to return to the fun.  Man I felt so overwhelmed. Nothing in this life brings so much joy as my family.  Its those moments, the ones that happen every day (times 5) that bring so much fulfillment, so much joy, so much happiness.    Even when I am not all together.  Even when I feel like a failure. Even when I don't know what I am doing or which way is up.  It is still worth every moment.  I'll take it all.

Cooking with Kids

Now that Dallin is out of school for the summer we are starting our summer fun activities.  One thing I am planning is a weekly cooking activity for the kids where they each make their own little recipe to eat.  I checked out "Cooking Rocks" by Racheal Ray from the library, which is a cook book for kids.  Anyway, I love her intro and want to share a couple exerpts from it:

"People often ask me where and when I learned to cook.  The truth is, I never did.  No one "taught" me how to cook.  No one person ever showed me how to hold a knife or how to tell when chicken was done.  No one explained to me which flavors were good together and which were not.  How then did I learn?  The answer has to do with my family.

The kitchen was the center of my childhood home.  As kids, my brother and sister and I were spoiled in an unusual way. We were treated as respected members of the group.  All the adults in our home listened when we spoke, giving us the same attention they gave other adults.  In turn, when they spoke, we listened.

This is not to say that we were treated as adults.  We were treated as children, with rules to follow, and were taught right from wrong. But, when given a direction to follow, we were spoken to in a way that assumed we were capable.  "Rachael, clean the potatoes and add them to the pot, please." is a very different statement from, "Rachael, can you clean the potatoes?" We were made to feel confident in our own abilities. We felt a responsibility to figure out  how to do things for ourselves. I work with this in mind to this day. I look at a task at hand and say to myself, "I can figure this out." Then I get busy and figure it out.

Cooking can give kids a wonderful sense of accomplishment.  They can see the results of their labors and creativity immediately - tangible, great-tasting food that others can share and enjoy. Kids develop a real sense of pride when given a pat on the back for something they did all by themselves. despite their small size and age.  "

"Never grab a kid's arm or speak harshly to a kid cook unless he or she is in real danger o f burn or injury. Let them make mistakes. You can always scoop out too much of something, add a little more of something else, or start from scratch if necessary.  All of these options are better solutions than making kids feel as self-conscious as so many adults are about cooking.  Food should be fun. Cooking is a celebration of all the good things we have to be thankful for in life, including little kids." - Racheal Ray


So wise, right?  Even though she doesn't have kids, this is great parenting advice in general.

Finally, a Mission Statement!

It only took me 8 1/2 years, but I finally got around to creating a  rules guidelines values document for our home! I could never seem to get it all down in one place before until I saw this idea and was inspired to have some fun.  It took me over a week of brainstorming just the right wording, quilting the pieces together in photoshop and giving each value its own unique piece. Thats what I was going for anyway.  There are probably well over a hundred layers, but it is hard to see the details this small.  I can't wait to make a big poster and frame it!  It was so fun to spend a few minutes here and an hour there on this project.  I just love photoshop, it is like quilting, or whatever else people enjoy for me. This is as close as we will get to a mission statement.  It is a busy poster, but I want this to be something that a child could look at and study when they happen by it and notice something new and unique each time in the years to come.  I pray as a mother to help instill these qualities and actions in my children so that they will become good contributing members to society and make the world a better place.  There were so many more things I wanted to put, but I just couldn't squeeze any more in.  Hopefully I got most of the big values.  I will have to do better in many of these to set the example, so I imagine I will need to refer to it often as well.  I keep going back and making changes, so this isn't quite the final draft but you get the jist(gist? can't find the right spelling on wikipedia).[*update* GIST (that was bugging me).] Just thought I would share the idea, and thought it was so cute.

Fun Reward System

I got my Accountable Kids stuff and we are starting to use it but I wanted to share a fun reward system that has really worked for our kids the last couple of months. One day, the reward system we were using got pretty stale so I just slapped a Candy Land board on the wall. We made a quick list of thing that they could do to earn cards and we used push pins for they player pieces. Wow, talk about motivated kids. They love to earn cards and even have a little bit of healthy competition to get to the end. When they get to the end the get to pick Peter, myself or any of their grandparents to go on a date with. How great is that to earn one on one time. It has been so great!

We were having problems getting the kids to stop crawling in our bed in the middle of the night and earning a card totally worked to get them to stop. Seriously, we have been trying to get one of them to stay in their bed all night for a really long time and this nipped it! They even beg for extra chores so they can earn a card(or catch up to someone who is ahead). We will probably integrate this into our new system since they love it so much.(note: I took out all the cards that make them skip around the board). I think a lot of people have a dusty Candy Land game around anyway, so this will put it to good use.

Testimonies and Love at Home

I am excited about a couple of new things we have been trying with our children.

A few weeks ago I heard a couple talking on BYU TV about raising children in the gospel. There was one thing that Peter and I particularly liked that we decided to try. They said that as they raised their family, every fast Sunday evening they would have their own family testimony meeting. Our fast Sunday was this last Sunday because of conference. So before bed we had a little lesson and taught the children what fasting was and what a testimony was. They got it, but I will probably focus our FHE's on these concepts for the rest of the month as well. Then we all took turns sharing our own testimonies. Some needed help, some needed moral support with a parent next to them and Some did fine on the first try. What a wonderful experience! Many benefits: practicing reverence and respect, learning to share testimony, kids hearing what their parents believe, feeling the spirit. It was a sweet experience that I look forward to repeating each month.

Something we have been struggling with lately is fighting. There has been way too much hitting, taking toys, pushing, etc. I usually either make the child apologize, or give them a time out Supernanny style. After really thinking about it and reading about discipline on some blogs and parenting books, I decided to refine my approach and it has been very helpful.

When a child offends another child there are 3 or 4 things that happen. If they take a toy from someone and can't work it out, then I come in to intervene and it goes something like this:

First they must give they toy back and I remind them that "We don't take toys." Then I request for them to 1. Apologize 2. Tell them that they won't do it anymore(repentance). I think the second part is really important. Then, with the other child, they must quickly forgive and I prompt them to say "It's okay" (forgiveness). Usually this totally fizzles the argument, but if the offended child is still crying or upset I encourage hugs and kisses which helps too. Because hitting has been a particular problem with a couple of my kids they immediately have to serve a time out before they follow the repentance process. I think that this approach is teaching them character and Christ-like qualities that will be useful their whole lives. It has brought a noticeable amount of peace to our home as well.

After doing this for a while the children have started doing the process on their own. When I hear something going on, I first listen to see if they will be able to work it out. This is what I heard the other night with Dallin and Eden:

(Eden threw a toy and it hit Dallin on the head)
Dallin: Ouch! (starts crying, the really hurt cry)
Eden: Oh, I am sorry, I am so sorry Dallin.
Dallin: It's okay (still crying)
Eden: I said sorry.
Dallin: I know but it still hurts.
Eden: Mommy, I accidentally hit Dallin with a toy, and he said it was okay but he is still crying.
Mommy: Well, maybe you could have him show you his owie and kiss it better.
Eden: Okay. (She has Dallin show her and he points to his head, which she kisses.)
Dallin: (Stops crying)

All is well and everyone is happy. I think it feels just as good to forgive as to be forgiven and that is the special part.

Another Good Mom Read

I just finished this book yesterday. I really enjoyed the author's attitude and insights. I could really relate and I think we have similar personalities so that made it very fun to read. There are so many good insights into motherhood as well as humorous stories. I am definitely feeling more inspired and full of concepts that I would like to implement in raising my own children.

I am planning to read more books from this author for sure.

Super Saturday, Gardening, Playhouse, Other Projects and More

I finally unloaded my camera so I am going to put the whole shabang on here so I can count it done! I was actually sad that I haven't taken more pictures lately because we have done a lot of great stuff, but sometimes you just can't do it all. Here we go:

Super Saturday Crafts:

We picked crafts and classes to try to go with our theme "Home can be a Heaven on Earth".

FHE BOARDS:

The oh so popular FHE boards were a hit. This was my first time doing vinyl but I found a great site that sells this all in one piece so it was super easy to put on. Here is a link if you are interested, it was a great bargain too click here . I just bought the boards at Home Depot and had them cut to size. I got the shapes at Micheals. This is only a one hour project.

I love how there is one heart just waiting for our little arrival. It makes me smile everytime I walk by it. If we ever outgrow this board, I will just put 2 hearts on a hook to pair people together for a job. We are going to use our board tonight for the first time. I also love the font on this, it is called Papyrus.

GOSPEL STANDARDS QUIET BOOK:

Quiet booksare always good so we created a couple of different ones. This first one I came up with myself. I wanted to make one for primary children so I used the My Gospel Standards and went from there. Isn't this the cutest scrapbook paper?

Each page had a sentence from the Gospel Standards and a scripture to go with it. I downloaded pictures from lds.org Gospel Art Kit that corresponded with the words and had them printed in wallet size at Costco. We also used a sponge and an ink pad to distress the edges of the words to bring it all together. These are just dollar store photo albums but the ribbon through the binding really made it cute. For the last page of the book I printed a 4x6 of the Articles of Faith since primary children are usually memorizing those. I would be happy to email you directions and references if you are interested in making one of these.


NEW ERA QUIET BOOK:

This book was super easy. I didn't come up with this one, just found the idea googling. These are the New Era posters that you can order as postcards from lds.org. If you use the front and back cover you can fit 40 posters, which is 5 of the 7 sets of 8 that are available, so I just picked the sets I liked the most.

PROGRAM TRACKING/FHE BINDER (don't miss this one!)

This is the coolest thing every that EVERY LDS mom should have. It is a tracking binder for all of the programs our church uses including Faith in God, YW, YM, and Scouting programs. Not only is it a way to keep track of all your children's progress in one binder, here is the genious part. Each program has a page of FHE ideas that your children can do with the family to pass off requirments on family night! We had a stake activity and made these so we made them again for those who hadn't had the chance to get one. This one is worth its weight in gold.

We also had a special guest speaker come from our stake to educate us on using Coupons. She has a very popular website at http://www.beingfrugalisfabulous.com/. She was really informative and had lots of stories of walking away with tons of stuff for just pennies. She showed us how she organizes it all and all the basics. Check out her site it is really neat.

Our other class was based on the Mix-A-Meal cookbook. Wow, there is so much you can do with these mixes to use your food storage and save time. We also learned about a really valuable food storage site at http://www.everydayfoodstorage.net/.

Salt Part 2:

Speaking of food storage, here is another salt picture I found on my camera. I guess i can see why this made sense to Tanner. If you have ever seen a Thomas video, there are often materials used like this to look like snow.

Gardening:

We are enjoying our little garden that we planted. There are only 7 or 8 plants, but the kids really liked this project and we love watching it grow. I can't wait for fresh vegetables!




Playhouse:

The kids have really been into this project as well, especially Dallin. Dallin worked hard every day at school for 2 weeks so that he and Daddy could build a little each night. They usually only had a few minutes before bed time. He never missed a second of the process and was very interested in every detail. Even if he couldn't help with a certain part, he never left Peter's side.

Here it is with a roof going up. Tanner is really a great construction superviser here, ha ha!

Here it is all built. We haven't decided what color to paint yet. Dallin really wanted the windows to have the latice crosses.
Dallin and Eden have taken the liberty to do a lot of wall decoration in there already. I didn't oppose it because it is really their space, so I stayed out of it. The inside is stocked with a plastic kitchen, food and table, and a couple of small throw rugs.

Since we know an electrician the house even got a light and a plug in for a radio. There are still many things we plan to do out here, but the kids are loving their house. They even slept in it one night already with Daddy. Next, I am going to get some of that chalkboard paint to put on one of the walls inside.

Other Projects:

Charts are becoming such a part of our lives, it just helps me keep the kids organized. This was a fun one we just made as we are starting to teach our kids a little bit about nutrition. We will be having a lot of Family Night lessons about it so this was to get us started. I bought the board at Walmart and the Letters at the dollar store. I just glued the ribbon on with tacky glue. The magnets are made from .75" magnets using glue stick, hot glue and floral marbles from Michaels. I googled the pictures and made a word document with the right sizes. If you are interested, email me and I will send you the picture pages.

Each child has a space where they have all the nutrition requirements for a balanced diet for a day. Whenever they eat something from a food group, they move the corresponding magnet over from the left to the space on the right. I used the USDA's charts for how many servings each person should get. The first letter of each person's name shows their designated area. The kids are really excited about eating foods for their chart and are already pretty good at figuring out food groups.

These magnets turned out cute, but really ended up being more tedious and expensive than I originally thought. Oh well, I love it now that it is done. There is bread, apple, broccoli, meat, and milk to represent each kind of food. This board is as much for me as it is the kids so that I can track how well they are eating(or how I am feeding them!)

A Take on Flannel Boards:

This is so cool! I found a website where someone had downloaded every flannel board story ever printed in The Friend Magazine and colored them in Paint. Click Here for the site. I just downloaded, printed them and laminated them. (tangent: I love having a home laminating machine! It is cheaper than running to Kinkos and I use it all the time. I have the no heat Xyron version that sells at Office Max for $50 that I love, but I noticed there is a heated one at Walmart that is quite a bit cheaper, something in the $20 range.) You can buy magnet strips for really cheap at Walmart and I just use this beat up magnet board that we had lying around to tell the stories with. It is great for telling scripture stories, the kids always beg for more.

These are just the Book of Mormon stories. I keep each story in a sandwich bag in this dollar store basket.

Fun Snack Idea:

This was something that my roommate used to eat back in my BYU days. I was trying to come up with some fun nutritous snacks for the kids and this came back to me (thanks Heather if you ever read this!) Crumble graham crackers in a little bowl and put sliced peaches on top. Drizzle with honey and oh my it is so good! It is one of my favorites now too!

Book Report

I borrowed this book from the library a couple of days ago, what a fun read! I have seen this family on TV and been fascinated at how they run their family with 18 children. The book has a lot of interesting stories about their life and background and their financial and parenting philosophies. My favorite thing is how much they emphasize that children are blessings from God. Sounds like Peter's parents, go figure. This strong Christian family is the least worldly family I have ever seen and I think that is very commendable. They have obviously been blessed for their faith in the Lord. I picked up several ideas that I would like to incorporate into our family and overall it left me so inspired to be a better teacher, example and leader for my children. It is a quick and uplifting read that I highly recommend.

More than just cute plates

I have always tried to get a good variety of food in my kid's diet, but it takes some work. Having slotted children's plates has really helped me get balanced meals in. Putting something different in each spot gives variety and I just eyeball it to see which food group we still need. It is really a helpful prompt for me. If I see that we still need a dairy, I will just add a slice of cheese to a slot, or if we need a fruit it reminds me to add that in. After a while of using the many sloted plates I decided to simplify the lunch plates with just 2 slots which I think is enough for lunch.

Random Acts of Kindness

I use all kinds of things to motivate my children, but lately I have started using rewards that are not expected. When I see one of my children comfort another one that is crying or sad or kindly sharing or anything kind to one another, I pull out this special bag of treats that is just for times like these. Sometimes I reward them if they just listened to me when I asked them to do something and they were quick to react. I have been using dum dums because they love lollipops but they are little enough not to spoil their dinner. I am just trying to express to them how wonderful it is when I see these great qualities coming out, plus it is so much funner than just punishing the naughtiness all the time. I think it makes a difference to make these positive deposits and they are always so proud of themselves for their good deed.

Christmas Tree Bribe

The last few nights I have been putting a mini christmas tree with lights in Dallin and Eden's room at night. The only rule is that they have to stay in their beds or it goes bye bye. I guess I am just tired of sitting in there until they fall asleep every night. They love the tree and it is really motivating, but Dallin hasn't been able to resist getting out of bed without me in there and they have lost the tree every night. So last night they finally did it! I am so exited. I kept checking on them because I couldn't believe it and they were just lying there. Yay! I hope this is the start of a new trend.

Schedules

Our friends in our ward that have been helping us learn how to help Dallin came over on Sunday and helped me design some schedule charts. They are really detailed so that hopefully we can teach Dallin routines enough that he can become independent. The goal is that he will graduate to charts less detailed and then without any reminders.

This is a daily schedule for each family member. School means I am working with them with play doh, puzzles, alphabet, and behavior training that I have learned. It will change a lot when Dallin starts school again and we have therapy at home after school.
These charts are for his morning and bedtime routines. I will walk him through it and each time he does something he puts one of these Velcro check marks on it.

Eden is getting pretty good at singing her ABCs. I love her tiny little voice.

Tanner likes to climb up onto the kid table but then he gets stuck and can't get down. It is pretty funny. Don't worry about the end, he was okay. Dallin and Eden are playing their favorite game lately in the background. I am not sure why it is so funny but it completely cracks them up.