Journaling

Ah, its nice to be caught up in blog land.  But before I talk about the fourth, I want to do a journal post....about me! 

Pregnancy is going really well overall.  A few weeks ago I started having a lot of pain in my hip so bad that it radiated down my leg.  I was walking like an old lady for a while.  I was feeling doomed to have another painful second half of pregnancy.  Peter did his best to help by pulling on my leg or pushing on it or whatever felt best, but it would only help for a few minutes.   Resting did not give any relief.  Then as I was laying down one day I was moving my leg around trying to find a less painful position and I felt a tiny little pop.  A little while later I realized my pain was GONE!  It hasn't come back since.  I am kind of glad this happened because I am so happy to be out of pain that the normal uncomfortable pregnancy stuff doesn't seem at all bad now and I am not feeling doomed any more. It changed my perspective. Yay!

My most common question to be asked is "How are you feeling?"  For A while there I would just give a half smile and say "okay."  but now I can honestly smile say, "Pretty good!" My bone separation hasn't been too bad either.  Being really careful how I move is the key. But, I am into the 3rd trimester now so I am crossing my fingers that it will keep going well. My other common question is "When are you due?" When I say, "Not until September."  I get a sympathetic look and they say, "Oh, you have a ways to go."  Yeah, I know trust me.  I don't want to think about it.

I finally feel the little guy moving a lot now and even Peter can feel him.  I love to cuddle up from behind and press my belly into his back and wait for him to notice his son kicking him.  Ha ha. 

I haven't started any preparations for the arrival because it still seems so far away.  But lately I am starting to get those little twinges of excitement that leave me feeling all giddy and ready to hold my little guy...and have a waist...and my little 6 pack of kiddos...and take a break from pregoness (made that word up).   I feel like I am on the last mile of an 8 year marathon.  It feels so good.  I am right where I want to be with my life and now I can just take a breath for a minute.  I have had this goal in my mind for years(like since I was engaged) of having a family with 6 kids close in age.  That was a lot of work! It has been equally surprising in how it is more wonderful than I could have imagined and how much harder than I could have ever known.  Now I feel more calm about taking things one thing at a time and reaping the rewards of this awesome family that we have made together.  I like fulfilling my dream and not having a plan from here.

Here is a short list of my normal pregnancy stuff going on of which I am noting but not complaining about with my new perspective.  Seriously I am so happy with just these things I can handle: 
Crazy bad heart burn.
Choking up over anything daily.  Usually many times a day.
Nausea off and on (never had that after first trimester before)
Low energy. I probably seem like a lame mom sometimes with what my kids get away with, but I am doing the best I can.
Feeling like a hermit sometimes and just want to stay home for several days at a time and not be social.
Lots of self esteem killing weight gain.  I think I am plus more than 25 lbs already, yikes. Remember I am only 5'2. Outweighing your hubby is not a good feeling.
Bone separation in my pelvis that is not too bad so far as long as I am super careful with myself.
Getting a nerve pinch in my back when I sleep that comes back with every pregnancy. But:
Loving my bed so much I can't even put in words.  It goes up and down in every direction like a hospital bed and has a memory foam mattress.  I have used many interesting combinations with the head and foot raised to relieve my uncomfortable body.  I call it my happy place. It literally is. 

The kids have been great so far this summer.  They pick on each other more since they are together all the time but we are working on it.  But mostly we are just having so much fun being a family.  I love it.  We are staying extra busy, which I like because it takes my mind off my total lack of desire/energy/no bending ability to keep the house in shape.  If I don't think about it, maybe its not there right? Right.  I am choosing to keep things going at a necessity level and not letting the summer go by without the fun and adventures that kids should have.  My heart gushes over each one of them as I watch them grow and learn and experience life.  The amazement never goes away. Perhaps pregnancy hormones make me feel those emotions even deeper.

We had a fabulous lesson in Relief Society on Sunday about self criticism.  I think the best part for me was as lists were made on the board and comments made, I realized that I am so normal!  Despite everyone's different circumstances, we are all hard on ourselves about the same stuff! It was like what everyone was saying was what I was thinking. The lesson was very healing and heartening for me.  I left feeling inspired to not be so hard on myself and use suggested techniques to put off Satan's lies. Life is about learning and growth and that is not a bad thing as he would have us think and torture ourselves about.  Prayer is what hit home the most to me.  I know Heavenly Father can change our hearts and who we are if we just ask and let him work miracles in our lives.  The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the tool to get us there. I love the joy that the gospel gives my life.  Such a feeling of wholeness.

One last funny experience.  Yesterday, on our way to Grandpa's house for the fourth we stopped at a grocery store to pick up a couple of things.  We wanted to be on our way so I said I would hurry and run and be right back.  I had a total momentary lapse in memory of my condition and jumped out of the van and ran for the store as if I was my normal shape.  It didn't work very well.  I kind of waddle ran while laughing at myself at my sudden reality.  Perhaps it felt even more funny than it looked.  I was caught completely off gaurd.   I glanced back at Peter and we made eye contact and I knew he knew.  So when I came out of the store I ran again, just to make him laugh.  I like making fun of myself sometimes.