Journaling

For some reason I get thoughts built up in my mind and it is really nice to write them down and get them out. Talking about myself is therapeutic as well.  Probably makes for really fragmented sportatic boring posts lately, but it works for me right now. 

I am still detoxing from not having Internet.  Especially because I am resting as much as I can right now. But it really isn't bad.  I discovered that McDonald's is a whole 4 minute drive away and I can sit in the parking lot and do anything I need to with their free Internet access.   My laptop was the big issue though.  It had a broken screen and no battery life.   I finally bit the bullet and bought a new one. LOVE!!! I think I spent half of what I spent on the last one and it is way better.  Funny how technology works that way.  So now, I sneak away early in the morning or after bed time for some guilt-free browsing  business.  This is a very good thing.

I have to think way more ahead now though.  I have to keep a small notebook in my purse at all times to write down my To-Do until my next Internet session.  Well, also since I have no brain power anyway, I have been writing down all my to do's, shopping lists, bank account stuff, and on and on. It really has become my external brain.  I can't retain any thoughts without it.   

With a laptop in hand instead of an iPod now, I can get back to blogging as well.  Except I haven't been taking a whole lot of pictures lately.  I just feel limited by my body and just don't have the energy to keep up my normal pace.  When I do take pictures, they aren't very good.  I'm okay with that though.  Life ebs and flows. 

With my down time at home, I have been organizing our family systems, and family notebook a lot.  It is fun to at least feel more organized.  I have many new forms and charts to help keep things going smoothly.  Especially as we start a new school year with 3 in school! I attended a few parenting courses at BYU Education Week and came home with tons of fabulous information and ideas.  Getting that all together, discussing what would work for us with Peter and implementing it has been very fun and exciting.  We have a lot of direction that we didn't have before as we are starting to have older kids (well older than toddlers).  It is exciting and scary to think that we are in the main years of full influence and we don't want to mess it up. 

I am very excited to finally be able to say, "I am having a baby this month!"  Getting down to days here, yay!  I still have thoughts of insanity, like imagining that my body is being held prisoner by a little baby boy.   Ha ha, these thoughts make me laugh.  The dreams are even weirder.  Lately life is all about the humor.  Things seem so impossibly crazy, but if we can laugh (and we do find a lot to laugh about), we can do as Dori the fish says and "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."  Or crying sometimes helps too!

But really, I am so grateful for everything.  I have a lot of love in my life and really, that keeps me going.  Having a partner to go through life with helps so much.  Peter and I have rely on each other more than ever and it has really made us stronger.  Life is so good and I am really comforted to know that no woman has ever stayed pregnant forever (cue more funny insane thoughts).

I now know what it is like to go into nesting mode.  Definitely a real instinct.  I am feeling that very strong the last few days.  It is great, except I physically can't do everything I want to do.  If I could, every last nook and cranny would be reorganized and cleaned.  Too bad I can't take full advantage of that!