A Little Retrospect

I have been contemplating my life a little bit today after reading some past posts.  I am so so very grateful that I have written down so many things the last few years.  It made me think, I need to write my thoughts on life more because I enjoy reading about it later.  I am so grateful to remember different times that I would not remember now otherwise.  So Here I go.

I was reading about some family outings and looking at pictures from a couple of years ago and thinking, wow they were so little! Life has changed so much. It kind of made my heart ache a little because I know they are growing up.  My Dallin is going to be baptised soon and then within 8 more years, they will all be baptised!  I just kind of feel like I am being pushed out of an airplane against my will.  I mean, I want them to grow up, but when I look at the past I miss that too. I can't get over how little, tan and blond they were! Where are my babies going? 

I guess it is weird to talk this way because I am still having babies and have a 1 and 2 year old. I am just missing how little the first 3 children were.  As I was reading things I was writing about the time Carter was born. I was also thinking how life was so much more simple then. Having 3 kids was hard and then after 4 life was kind of smooth sailing for a while.  Dallin was in full blown therapy and making incredible progress, and they were getting just old enough that they were all more independent and I was enjoying having a little baby to focus on as well.

Having Lily has been so wonderful too, but something about having 5 children has made life much more complicated than 4 was.  It has been a big adjustment.  I remember having 3 or 4 kids and taking more time to put together cute outfits for them all the time.  I know I was busy then too, but now I am just happy to get a bag of hand me downs from someone to add to their wardrobe. I am happy when all 5 kids are dressed for the day. Just put on any shirt and pants and Mommy is happy.  This is just one example.  Lily has been a dream baby.  She is just so cute and girly.  But I haven't really been able to enjoy all the cute girly clothes and bows like I did with Eden.  She is in footsie pajamas most days because it is just easier.  We are now one of "those" family that gets to church barely on time with kids who don't have their hair combed half the time.  And I am just sitting there relieved that we found shoes for all of them to wear.

There really was something about going to 5 that mentally just sent me past a breaking point. I think even Peter has felt a big difference.  It seems like we have quite an extreme lifestyle now.  I have had almost a year and a half to adjust to this now, and I think I am finally really adjusted.  There is just so much going on that you have to let a lot of things go that used to be important to you and focus on the most important things, like getting homework done or teaching kids how to do their chores or other life lessons. I have to let things go (like the house) and in order to keep my sanity, REALLY let it go and not think about it.

A big part of going to 5 was that there are more children than we have arms.  Really, that is a big deal.  At first we really didn't know what to do about that.  It was much more simple to go out before because we would each pick 2 kids to be in charge of and we could easily manage one with each arm if we need to cross the street or if we were in a crowded place.  Shortly after we had Lily, Peter asked a dad in our ward who has lots of kids how they manage this.  He said halfway joking that you have to start playing zones!  We thought that was so funny, but now I think I have finally figured out what that means for us. 

When we do something now, we often break up into 2 groups.  Usually one of us will help the 3 older ones and the other the 2 little ones.  This usually means not staying together.  Like OMSI the other day, I stayed with little ones in the kid area and Peter took the older ones to the planetarium.  When we take the kids to the dollar theatre lately, we found it was just easier if one of us stays home with the littles and the other goes alone with the bigs.  This "playing zones" took a while for us to figure out because we have always done everything together no matter how hard it is. Now we prefer to find something appropriate for the age groups and split up.  But it really works much better.  When we do go somewhere all together, we still just scramble to do the best that we can and go with it, which is fine for us too.  Luckily our older ones are able to manage themselves more and more all the time as well.

I just think it is so interesting that I think life was so simple with 4 children and with 5 it is a whole different story.  I wonder if it is like this for other mothers in the same shoes. I am so happy with the choices we have made.  I mean, life without my Lily would be unimaginable.  She makes me feel more complete, like they all do. They each have a piece of my heart and it wouldn't work right if any piece were missing. 

So, we venture on to make our family more complete.  I have always known deep in my soul that there were many children for us.  It is who we both are.  It is so fun.  Fulfilling. It is the only way for us.  But I am hoping that going from 5 to 6 will be sort of like going from 3 to 4 was for me.  So I wonder, now that we are used to this newer more extreme way of life, will going to 6 be just adding to our joy without so much adjustment?  I really do think so.  I am ready for it and I feel like I can handle it just as well (or not well) as I am handling things now. 

Well, there is one big adjustment.  We will no longer fit into a minivan...dun dun dun!  I am hoping to make that change very soon though so it won't be a new thing for me by September.  I really like our van and would have been happy to drive it for another 5 years. I have known this was coming for a long time though.  You think of these things before, you know.  It is just another part of our life.  I like my life. I like extreme.