Journal

So much to write, so much forgotten, so much to remember!

I will get there, but I just had a few thoughts I want to write down. 

I have been noticing lately how strong my kid's personalities are. 
Each of them has such a great big spirit. 
Each is so different.

It has caused me to have a lot of fear lately.  Just overwhelmed by the task of fulfilling the needs of 6 totally different people. 

While we drove all day to come home from Idaho, Peter and I talked about each child and what we think we need to work on with each one.  It was daunting.  Not one in particular but the culmination of everyone. 

So much to do.
So much to teach.
So much to shape.
So much to love.
So much to see.
So much to learn.

My only chance in the world to do all of this is to look for divine guidance.  Our Father in Heaven knows just what they need.

I love to listen to a show about the Joseph Smith Papers on BYUTV. I am about a third of the way through 91 episodes.  

Yesterday, I listened to many of the episodes as I sorted and shifted all of the kids clothes all day.  Peter stayed home and helped care for the kids as I worked for about 12 ours on our clothes storage and laundry system getting it ready for school to start. We save all their clothes and it makes for a lot of sorting, rotating and organizing.

As I listened, I learned a lot about the early members of the church as they attempted to figure out what this restored gospel was going to be like.  I kept feeling impressed by how close they were in prayer and in spirit as they constantly had to seek guidance from above. There was really no other way to do it.

They continued to seek worthiness to receive revelations.

As I think about the heavy work in front of me and the impossibility of knowing how to raise each person according to their individual personality, I see that there is really no other way for me either.  I have got to seek to be closer to God than I have ever been before.  I need to know what He has in mind for me and them. 

I can't just guess.

I can't just let the natural man take over.

I can't pretend that I don't need the Lord's help every minute of every day.

I don't know, but He does.

The early Saints really did receive answers and inspiration like crazy because they constantly prayed.  I know I can do that too. I want to shake off my fear by doing just that and listening for answers, promptings, and impressions.

So I will pray, and pray and pray my way through each day.  An open line of communication is available all the time as long as I am willing to pick up the receiver.