Primary

A few months ago, I got a new calling.  I also got to stay on the RS committee, which I love.  When the bishopric member called me in I went a little numb as he said "We would like to call you to serve as a primary teacher."  I automatically smiled and nodded out of habit.  This was not what I expected, although you never know what to expect when you get called in.  I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach of dread and hopelessness.  I found out I would be teaching the 4 year olds, including my Tanner.

Its not that I don't love primary, its just that I am with kids all day every day and I was really needing those 2 hours of grown up time to get a spiritual boost for the week.  We really struggle with the first hour, so I am almost always out of patience by the time Sacrament meeting is over.  I mean, I know we all struggle with our little ones, but I honestly feel like no one has it harder than me.  I understand that I am not the only one out there, but man, it is rough on our bench.  When I take a noisy kid out, it is a wrestling match to get them to sit on my lap.  I see other kids come out and sit quietly on their parent's lap.  Yeah, I know in reality I am not alone, but it is hard to see when you are struggling yourself. We are a work in progress.

That day when I got home, I cried and was depressed the rest of the day.  I love Tanner, but he is one of the hardest kids in church so I was frankly not at all looking forward to being with him.  So bad I know.  The next week, I was set apart.  I came home and cried again.  I prayed to have peace and know that if I would do what the Lord asked, I would be blessed with a good growing experience.  I had to have faith in that in order to do this. 

The next week I started the new calling. Tanner had started primary a few months before, but had a rough time adjusting.  He was finally getting the swing of it and then when I came in and sat by him, it was a huge step back.  He was whining, talking to me, climbing on me, not participating, and being really disruptive.  to do this after the most intense hour of my week was going to take superhuman patience.  In the first few weeks, I was asked twice if I would like to be switched to another class.   I knew that Tanner would eventually adjust and resorted to some techniques that we used with Dallin.  That helped and Tanner adjusted to me a little more. 

I get to co-teach for the 3rd hour, so I only teach every other week.  Doing this reminded me of how much I love to teach little kids.  I really really love it.  They are cute and challenging, but it is fun to come up with lots of creative ideas to keep them occupied for an hour and teach them about the gospel.  So after a few weeks, I actually started enjoying the calling.  2nd hour is still rough, but way better and I have bonded with each of the cute little people.

As far as a growing experience, I have learned that I don't "need" that break after sacrament meeting like I did before.   I am fine, just take a deep breath and go.  Its like when I have another baby, you just do what you need to do and you become stronger and adjust to it.  Then it doesn't seem as hard anymore.  Writing about it makes me see how dramatic I was being. I don't feel that way anymore.

Being with Tanner and getting to be his teacher has been fun for him, which is the biggest blessing.  He feels special that he is the only one that gets to have Mommy for a teacher.  I do like to be with the guy and I know some day I will be so glad that I chose to do this while he was so little.

But the biggest payoff came last night out of the blue.  We were hanging out in the basement and all of the sudden Tanner said, "Mom, I really love to go to church so that you can teach me about Jesus."   Oh man, why do I complain when things are hard?  GOOD things come from things that are hard.  Tears of joy this time.